#im just curled up at the bottom of my tiny self made fishbowl watching as the water trickles out a crack that my brain wont let me fix
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 years ago
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#hmm sometimes i have a hard time gaging how worried i should be abt my behavior#like when i talk to ppl abt stuff they like nod along and agree like what im saying is normal#but i cant tell if what im saying is actually normal and im just being whiny or if theyre just nodding along bc its what u do when u talk#and like ultimately all that matters is if ur behavior is making ur life worst but like idk i tend to put up with a lot until someone else#is like: wtf that seems kinda not great#so like ???#like rn im laying here paralyzed thinking abt when im gonna go to the grocery store bc i have to get gas 1st#and literally the gas station is like 3min away but i am somehow ver much considering just opperating on no food bc i cant deal with it#and like i have to fill out reembursment sheets for a ton of stuff that was really expensive but if i even think about it its acutely#stressful and ive still not done it 2+weeks later#and i should ask my lab mate how we're getting to a conference this weekend but again if i think abt it i feel like im gonna die#and my apartment is a complete disaster area and im having stress dreama abt how messy it is but my brain wont let me clean it up#im just curled up at the bottom of my tiny self made fishbowl watching as the water trickles out a crack that my brain wont let me fix#if i just work harder i dont actually have to deal with my issues right?#i say is i continue to work 10hr days when i only get paid 29hrs a week#it has taken hr literally 4 going on 5 months to fully hire me and who knows how long itll actually take#bc they fucking suck#whatever... its only a few weeks until i go home for Thanksgiving... and then have to deal with how to get to the airport...#sigh... nothing can be easy#unrelated
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